Global Warming has become a major environmental issue during the past decade. Many scientists and geologists are concerning about this ecological change. Global warming is a gradual rising of the average temperature of the earth atmosphere due to the excessive emissions of greenhouse gases. The rate of greenhouse gases in the earth atmosphere especially carbon dioxide is increasing at an alarming rate. Naturally, greenhouse gases keep the earth at the temperature that is livable. However, the rapid elevation of these gases in the earth atmosphere traps more of the outgoing infrared and warms up the entire world. There are going to be some ramifications in the near future and everyone must cooperate together to find the solutions and fight against global warming.
The first potential effect of global warming is the rising of sea level. Since the earth is experiencing the warm, the rising temperature also warming up the ocean. According to Albert Gore in an Inconvenient Truth A Global Warming, actual ocean temperature increase at a higher rate than it had been predicted by the scientists. Water is expanding as the oceans are heated and slowly increase the sea level. In addition, the increase in the ocean temperature created stronger storm. Big hurricanes, tornadoes and typhoons occurred over the last few years which brought significant damages on earth as well as their inhabitants. Besides, the melting of glacier and ice flowing more water into the ocean causing the low lying cities like Florida, Beijing, Shanghai, Calcutta, and Manhattan have a growing potential of sinking underwater. According to scientists, an average rising in the sea levels could be from 10 cm to 1 m by 2100. (Chris Woodford 2006) The problem becomes even more serious as the North and South poles are heat up dramatically. Overall, global warming causes significant rise in the sea level which in turn brings tremendous damages to worldwide.
Another potential effect of global warming in term of climate change is the irreversible change in ecosystem. As the earth gets warmer, the poles are no longer cold enough for certain plants and animals to survive. A sharp change in climate forces the plants and animals to experience extinction. Besides that, it has changed the growing seasons in many parts of the earth. Warmer temperature causes spring to come earlier and migrating animals have to follow their food sources earlier. On the others hand, both marine and land-based plants and animals have started to move to the poles as they can adapt to the climbing temperature. However, they may end their life if they fail. 20-30 percent of plants and animals species will be at risk of extinction if temperature greater than 1.5 to 2.5 degree Celsius. (Holli Riebeek 2007) As a result, the biodiversity of the earth is affected seriously by global warming.
Global warming is a serious problem that needs to be solved. It is deeply unethical to allow this problem continues to happen. (Al Gore 2007) The most fundamental ways are by cutting down the carbon dioxide emissions and increase the efficiency by using less energy. For a start, use more efficient electrical appliances, for example using energy –saving fluorescent lamps instead of incandescent lamps. Besides that, we should change our lifestyle. This can be achieved by using renewable technologies, transport efficiency, other-end use efficiency, and carbon-capture-and-storage technologies. Global warming can be combated if we change our old habits and change the way we live. (Al Gore 2007)
In conclusion, every individual must concern about environment. Everyone of us contributes to global warming. Choices are in our hands and we have the power to change it if we find a way to make sure that the warnings are heard and responding. (Al Gore 2007) Global warming brings many negative effects in term of climate change. Hence, every nation must cooperate together in solving the problem. It is essential that society realize the impending danger of this problem and work together to help our mother earth.
1.I think your introductory sentence is quite good and straight to the point. Anyway, I will suggest you another one which I think will be more explicit. ‘Global warming has become a major environmental issue since the past few decades.’ And do you notice that you have put the word ‘warming’ capital letter for ‘w’? Maybe this is just a careless mistake, but be more careful anyway.
ReplyDelete2.There is a clear thesis statement, yet with several grammatical mistakes. I think it should be like this: ‘There are going to be some ramifications in the near future and everyone must cooperate in finding solutions to fight against global warming.’
3.The supporting details and examples are sufficient. However, certain sentences in the second and the third paragraphs seem to be a bit not organized. What I mean here is the arrangement of the sentences. I think you should review the two paragraphs and you will understand what I mean then.
4.Overall, all the paragraphs are well supported. But there is confusion in the second paragraph: ‘In addition, the increase in the ocean temperature created stronger storm. Big hurricanes, tornadoes and typhoons occurred over the last few years which brought significant damages on earth as well as their inhabitants.’—I think these two sentences are not so related to the topic sentence. The main idea of that paragraph is about rising sea level but these two sentences are talking about the effects of rising ocean temperature. Anyway, I think it can be accepted if you modify the sentences to suit the topic sentence.
5.Most of the parts are clear and relevant. But there is one sentence which I not really understand what it’s trying to convey: ‘On the others hand, both marine and land-based plants and animals have started to move to the poles as they can adapt to the climbing temperature. However, they may end their life if they fail.’(3rd paragraph) -- How can plants move?? And the word ‘can’ should be changed to ‘cannot’ right??
6.The conclusion does restate the thesis statement but it doesn’t really summarize all the main points. I think that the ideas are repetitive, and less emphasis have been given regarding the potential effects of global warming.
7.I think for the quotation you should only put the author’s surname and the year. For example, (Woodford, 2006). Anyway, I’m not too sure about it.
ReplyDelete8. Several grammatical mistakes:
2nd paragraph:
2nd sentence – experiencing the ‘heat’
3rd sentence -- According to Albert Gore in ‘An Inconvenient Truth A Global Warming’, actual ocean temperature (increases) at a (rate higher) than it had been predicted by (scientists).
4th sentence -- and (this) slowly (increases) the sea level
7th sentence – (flows) more water
9th sentence – (when) the North and South poles are (heated) up dramatically
Last sentence -- to (the world) *worldwide is an adjective*
3rd paragraph:
6th sentence – On the (other) hand
7th sentence – their (lives)
4th paragraph:
3rd sentence – I think it’s better to remove the word ‘most’ (The fundamental ways are by cutting down carbon dioxide emissions and using energy efficiently.)
4th sentence – use more (energy-efficient)
Last paragraph:
5th sentence -- must (cooperate) in solving the problem
Last sentence -- It is essential (for the) society (to realise) the impending danger of this problem and (then) work together to help our mother earth. *I think this sounds better*
9.Yes, all materials are appropriately covered, but I think that you can include more information from the two online articles as you cite most of the information from the video only.
10. Additional comments:
I think you should work harder on your grammar as there are lots of apparent grammatical mistakes. Besides, I think you should also improve on the flow of the essay; maybe you can try to put in more conjunctions such as ‘in addition’, ‘moreover’ etc to link each sentence better. You can also try different types of sentence to make the essay more interesting. Lastly, please stick to the words limit. There are some sentences which I think are repetitive and some of the sentences can be made shorter by changing into passive form. So, paraphrasing is important here.